About
Music Has Always been a part of me.
I've felt the pull since I was a little boy to sing and write out my story.
When I was small I was drawn to music, I knew how to play piano and lap harp before I fully understood how to speak. Everyone is called to something in themselves and I felt the call of the forests, fields and rivers, raised in the rural mountains and hills on the east coast.
I fell in love with strings, the harp, the lyre, the flute and piano as a boy, ranging from classical music to video games to animated films. I performed on stage for many years, at private events and weddings from the time I was a young teen. I found myself writing stories with my closest friends, composing my own soundtracks to our epic private fantasy novellas, creating gentle melodies and sounds for my loved ones, and eventually finding my voice to sing for the people who needed it most.
One of my first experiences writing in the chillhop genre was a dear friend of mine being admitted to the hospital for an illness but they hadn't diagnosed what she was battling. She had asked me if I had anything I'd written for her to listen to as they ran tests, and I decided to write her music to listen to, as I'd done many times before for those in hospice or recovering from illness.
I was new to composing at the time and was trying to learn how to record them. I didn't have money or direction, but I had a lot of drive and motivation that I would learn no matter what it took.
I became a performer.
It taught me who I didn't want to be.
I had always been in friendly competition with my significant others and our friends, often having fun losing in karaoke competitions until we joined forces to create our own private symphonic rock concept albums. I trained my voice and my presence on stage until I began to gain the notice of other composers, performers and artists.
I also would be asked to perform at private events, anime conventions, drag shows or for unique curated shows, such as local balls, vampire balls or fae masquerades. I became known for my high soprano range, but I struggled to feel at ease in the spotlight.
I constructed my own looks, my own costumes and my own presentations, with attention to detail, handsewing, stitching or embroidering my own pieces. I still felt out of place and uncomfortable in my own skin.
I knew I would have to give up what I was to become who I wanted to be. I felt like my body didn't match who I was, and my found family supported me through my decision to transition fully during the pandemic. I wasn't happy.
I didn't know how to be after I endured horrific trauma and abuse as a child because I was gifted, exploited and didn't have the resources or care I needed. I struggled with my mental health, my physical health, and I knew that something was deeply wrong.
I loved to sing for others but not for myself at the time.
Teaching became key to developing into the person I am Today
I became a speech level singing tutor, training vocalists privately one on one, which sparked my interest in education, both in mental health and in learning indepth vocal technique.
I realized that my coaching brought out the best in those who reached out to me and that I loved helping others step into what gave them fulfillment. I began to come out of a deep depression, to do the hard work, I sought out professionals to guide me through the darkness and step into the life I wanted to live.
As Covid ravaged the world outside, I read every book I could my hands on, attended every free class that had been made public online by Standford and Harvard during that time, I spent hours pouring over trauma, personality disorders, biology and how they were all deeply intertwined with one another.
Over time, I began to have to grace for others as I absorbed that information, grace for myself as I looked throug the lens of Carl Jung, Robert Sapolsky, Viktor Frankl, Alan Watts, and numerous seminars created by therapists and professionals, audio books, and indepth conversations with other professionals.
I stopped seeing my life and the terrible things that happened as moral failings, and began to approach others with the same compassion and kindness that I wish had been shown to me when I needed it most. I saw people as people and I knew in my heart I wanted to help them see what I had failed to most of my life.
I was taken under my dear friend and mentor Scott Sherman's wing, and then the wonderful Ed Lima's guidance, and they both were instrumental to my growth as both a professional and a transman.
I learned family was the one that you built, not the one I was born into, and I sifted through things that I didn't have the strength or courage to do before I met them. They were patient, loving, kind and modeled for me what healthy boundaries, caring for mental health, advocating for myself and others, was meant to be and look like. As I learned all these things, I began to slowly see that other people were just as dark of a place as I was.
And that inspired me to kneel down and reach others where they were at without judging them for their mistakes or personal problems. I did as they had done for me. My wife was also one of my main pillars of support as I went on my journey and we have walked alongside each other for the past twenty years. Having met her when I was teen, we knew that we were meant for other, and we both moved out to Colorado after she graduated from highschool. We've been inseperable ever since.
I started to compose seriously.
I started taking on game jams and that bloomed into professional projects with returning clients.
I was featured in several cover albums for games and other media, including a single in Japan, but I still kept returning to my love of emotive string sections, lofi samples and hiphop beats.
I decided to fully transition.
It was the most freeing decision I'd ever made..
A part of me was worried when I stepped forward into being the man I knew I was that I would lose my vocal range, as if it would invalidate all those hard spent years of training and I would have a loss of control. With the love and support of my found family I was able to find enough bravery to take the leap, and with a lot work, I've not had to sacrifice any of my vocal range to do so.
I've found my footing, as a survivor, as a teacher and artist, learning to heal wounds through becoming trauma informed, and embracing compassion enough to understand that I don't have to lose my humanity even if others try to dehumanize me or my community.
With my new voice, I refuse to be silent.
I want to be a force of change.
Existence is the strongest form of resistance in the world right now. I will always fight for the right for my LGBTQAI+ family to have a place in my industry, no matter what form that takes, and I will proudly stand by them in their endeavors to help them forge a better path than what was left to us.
We are all imperfect people trying to make the most out of what we were given. We need more voices to speak up in the midst of the noise to bring understanding and to start much needed dialogue surrounding equality, gender equality, inclusion, diversity and adversity.
I have many stories I could tell, and maybe someday I will, but for now, I want to help others tell their own. Bravery is not a loud thing, it is a whisper, and I hope to be able to help others hear that still voice until it becomes loud enough to be heard by everyone around them.